A Gamer’s Confession: An Affair I Know I Shouldn’t Have

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My relationship with my girlfriend was almost perfect. We used to be best buddies, and we shared the same daily activities. From going to the office and spending our time in front of the computer playing League of Legends and DOTA2, everything was perfect. I could say that this was the kind of relationship I honestly wanted in my life.

One of the best tennis players in the world, Andy Murray, got dumped by Kim Sears in late 2009 because of his alleged seven-hour-a-day Playstation 3 habit. — Ryan G Van Cleave Ph.D.

The Scenario

However, things changed when she suddenly got a promotion. I was indeed happy about it, but a couple of months later, I felt like I lost touch with her. She became busy at work and then she stopped playing video games with me. That’s where the problem started.

As her longtime boyfriend, I promised myself not to cheat on the woman I love the most. However, I accidentally met someone in the game that made me re-think about the kind of relationship I had. My girlfriend used to tell me that she was lucky to have a boyfriend like me because I only focused on work, caring for her, and my gaming leisure. But little did my girlfriend know that I was having an affair with a co-gamer.

They found that the addicted players, regardless of gender, were more anxious and depressed, and showed poorer impulse control and cognitive functioning than gamers who were not addicted. — Peter Gray Ph.D.

The Affair

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The emotional attachment was different because the more my co-gamer and I spent time together, we somehow developed a connection that I couldn’t explain. It was purely all about playing at first, but suddenly it became a satisfaction every time I talked to this woman. It felt like a completely unique relationship that I was eager to nurture and every time I thought about it, the feelings got stronger. We avoided messaging each other through text, and phone calls were also not allowed. We just wanted to keep it to ourselves, so my girlfriend will never know that the affair existed.

I was hesitant at first to admit that I was falling for this new girl and as much as possible, I wanted to stay committed to my current relationship. But the more I tried to hold it inside, the more painful it got as I realized that I was becoming a cheater. I kept it for weeks and it went on for months. I was too afraid that if my girlfriend would find out, I might lose her. I didn’t want that to happen, so I lied about my continued virtual relationship with the other girl.

They believe that there is no need for anyone to unplug at all, even momentarily. Rather, they argue that digital technologies now satisfy many of our most basic needs and we no longer have other, old-fashioned ways of meeting these needs. — Utpal Dholakia Ph.D.

The Revelation

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But recently, my lies just went all out. My girlfriend decided to take a break from work and wanted to spend time with me like we used to. She felt guilty because she thought she was losing the connection we had. That’s when she found out that I had an online affair with someone I met on the game. She didn’t say anything, though I knew she was deeply hurt. Maybe she just couldn’t believe how an introvert person like me would end up having a relationship with a girl I haven’t met yet.

I explained my emotional crisis to her, but all she did was ask me whom I will choose. In all stupidity, I decided to be with the other girl because I honestly felt comfortable with her.

I was now thinking of a different relationship once I finally got out from the current one I had. I was careless, and I never thought about its impact on my long-term relationship. All I knew was that at that moment, I apparently didn’t have feelings for my girlfriend anymore, so our relationship ended right there.

People may think that what I did was wrong, and I know I was, but dealing with the psychological and emotional relationship I was having at that moment, I could say that it was honestly inevitable.